"so i never actually am alone, i just aways feel alone..."

i was walkin around campus today...and i kept playin "fear" by drake on my i-pod...it has seemed to capture my mood lately...today has been one of those days iv felt completely overwhelmed by people and yet never felt more alone! Walkin down the plaza i had at least 30 people say hey or come up to talk and after each one walked away i wanted to punch them, haha! ok, maybe not punch them....but i kinda wanted to scream! because NOT one single person had a genuine conversation with me! im feeling very much like sometimes the only reason people stop and talk is to be seen talking to me...i am the token white girl on campus! and i dont mind wavin and sayin hey and i LOVE meetin new people but it gets old...its one of those things that when you feel you're continually pouring out you want to be poured into! All that to say, this experience has made me appreciate community on a whole new level!
i LOVE to be known and to really know other people and i dont feel as if i truly know a single person here or vice versa...and when i think about home i can ONLY think of a community that has surrounded and supported me and who really knows me!  and i guess that plays into this lonely feeling...not only that im without you all, but that im frustrated with myself that i havent met or made a friend like that with someone here!
but while im all sentimental and vulnerable i really would just like to take a min to thank you...my community and support group-friends, family, church members, mentors, teachers who get me and who root for me! the only thing i have to lean on sometimes when i "feel" alone is the facts...that i am most certainly NOT alone! thank you for the continued support and prayers...

JSU> S-who?

This was a huge game! the most packed iv seen the stadium! We played Southern-won by 2 after scoring a touchdon with 9 seconds on the clock! Southern is also a HBCU so both bands performed at half time...of course ours was better, haha, but both were very entertaining...southern played "sexual healing" as one of their main songs, so the whole crowd had to join along! This game decided who is going to the SWAC championship...so it looks like we have a couple road trips comin up!

p.s. notice at the end of this song they wave yellow flags-thats one of southern's colors! the band always finds a way to call out the other team-kinda funny to look for...

howdy neighbor!

today on my way home from class i passed a woman...a woman i pass almost everyday, sometimes more than once a day. She is almost always getting in or out of her car or sitting on her steps...but it makes me wonder,  "where is this woman going?" haha! Anyways...i usually pass with a wave and a "how ya doin?" or "afternoon!" but i must have been in a chatty mood because when she answered "fine" today i went up to her and said "ya know what, i never got your name" and this opened up the door for a 30 minute conversation with one of the nicest, wisest women i'v met! She is an older woman, so she lived through and seen some pretty cool things and therefore had some interesting insights for me! It was just so refreshing to talk with her because she was so honest...but a vulnerable honest, not a blunt, rude honest...which i really admired! anyway...so now do i not only feel wiser, i feel safer...gettin the know the community i live in makes me feel like they might have my back! haha

NICKNAMES!

today as i walked down the plaza i couldnt help but laugh because although most people now know me as "katie" i have a few nicknames that i thought i would share! There's snow bunny, seattle, katie perry, white chocolate, washington and snow white! its never an offensive thing, its usually people i have in my classes, but i always appreciate hearin somethin orignal, so ill keep ya posted if there are any other good ones that come up!

not a whole lot has been happening since the last time i wrote! have had some mid-terms that, thus far, i feel really good about! had my stats midterm today and i finished in a whopping 13mins...and for those of you that know me you know i am not only not particularly fond of mathematics, but i also SUCK at it! so you can imagine my excitement wehn i understood every question on the test!

i feel like slowly the whole "time" thing here is changing my habits...and i dont necesarily like it! i find that i am not as prompt when replying to texts, e-mails,phone calls! i get to class late more often than at the beginning of the year, i leave my phone at home sometimes during class...and im allowed to say this because its what people here call it..."colored people (CP) time" has begin to run in  my veins! i feel like i have always been a little like this...my mom says i get it from my dad...is it a coincidence that he also spent time in jackson? haha, just sayin! but its def gotten worse since i'v been here!

been kinda sick these past coupld of days...so i apologize, i have not been good about being in contact with anyone back home...so if you think of it, say alittle prayer for health!

this was directed towards the opponents BAND! lol, im tellin you, i dont think people even watch the game..

apology...

for those of you that saw my last blog, i would like to apologize...not until today did i realize some of the things i posted could be interpretted negatively. Was not my intention, but if you were in any way offended forgive me. This type of thing, however, is the exact type of thing im learning down here on a daily basis...that with color, culture, and history comes  a heightened passion and emotion and certain things can be hurtful.
I am learning the power of words! i consider myself a writer, and as such i feel i have always known the importance of words on paper...but here god's wrestlin with me on spoken words! I have said the wrong thing multiple times...people look at me like im stupid, there is a deathly silence...i apologize and explain my ignorance and we move on...however, i feel that sometimes their hearts are very hurt and my apology doesnt erase the wrong of my tongue. It is for that reason, and this is prob the best advice i'v gotten since i'v been here, i have been told to "be slow to respond, be slow to defend, be slow to speak and let my simple actions be loud" (learning this is harder said then done).
Again, i apologize for the last blog...appreciate those of you that know me enough to know my intentions with what i was saying, but to still point out where i was being ignorant. (like i said, not a new phenomena down here)
quick update: just finished my 5th week of school-got some mid-terms next week! im not the next d. wade, haha, but i'v been playin basketball almost everyday-at least gettin up some shots...its actually been a time where i do most of my processing, so its been kinda a blessing. weathers finally coolin down...still hot most days, but less humid and it cools down and gets kinda breezy at night! counted the contacts in my phone from people at jsu...47! feel like im meetin cool people left and right! i FINALLY got a chance to give blood but in WA i never could cause of diabetes, and it has nothing to do with hte quality of my blood, they worry about my health during the process-so i just didnt tell them i was diabetic, lol, and they didnt ask! OH and i went to WAFFLE HOUSE for the first time last night...(experienced it in cali this summer too) and still dont get the "chicken and waffle" combo, haha...thats all...still just livin the dream, haha!